Easy As Life
by TheLadyofShalott
Summary: Sydney makes the hardest decision of her life...


1.1 Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or anything…even though I wish I did! Oh, the fun I could have….  
  
1.2 Warning: Small spoilers up to Q&A.  
  
1.3 The song is "Easy As Life" from the Broadway show Aida. Please read the lyrics…they're a big part of the story!  
  
1.4 Easy As Life  
  
He was with her every second of every day, constantly in her thoughts and in her dreams. He was starting to interfere with her work – she was more cautious, now, so that she could get back to him safely. Too cautious. She failed more often than she succeeded, and she could see in Sloane's face that she was slipping. Soon she would be killed – if not on a mission, than by Sloane himself. She was becoming a liability. More bad than good. That's why she was sitting in the warehouse now, waiting for him to meet her here.  
  
  
  
This is the moment when the gods expect me  
  
To beg for help - but I won't even try.  
  
I want nothing in this world but myself to protect me  
  
But I won't lie down, roll over and die.  
  
  
  
She had planned out her speech, word for word. She'd tell him what was happening at work, how he was affecting her, and how it…how it had to stop. And she'd finally tell him that she loved him. Oh, she was sure he knew already, from the way she looked at him, the way she kissed him. She never would forget that first kiss, right after she returned from Italy. The pain that had been in Vaughn's eyes, when he thought she was dead, and the joy and love shining from them when he realized she was alive had pushed her past the boundaries she had set for herself a long time ago. He had crushed her with his hug, and when he pulled back to look at her, she kissed him. He had returned it warmly, hot tears of relief falling onto her cheek. She couldn't tell if they came from his eyes or hers. The rest had been history – secret meetings in the warehouse, brushing hands as they walked by each other in the office, and always, those glances full of tension. She shook her head, bringing her thoughts back to the present and the task in front of her.  
  
  
  
All I have to do is to forget how much I love him  
  
All I have to do is put my longing to one side  
  
Tell myself that love's an ever-changing situation  
  
Passion would have cooled and all the magic would have died  
  
It's easy, it's easy  
  
All I have to do is to pretend I never knew him  
  
On those very rare occasions when he steals into my heart  
  
Better to have lost him when the ties were barely binding  
  
Better the contempt of the familiar cannot start  
  
It's easy, it's easy  
  
  
  
She heard his car pull up, and the car door slam. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and turned to face the door. He stopped in the doorway, taking her in. She caught her breath – her heart still jumped every time she saw him. She was lost in his presence, lost without any thought other than how much she loved him and how much she wanted to be with him. He came forward slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. She stood up, and he stopped a few feet away.  
  
"You wanted to see me?" he said in that strong voice of his. She nodded, eyes on the ground, not trusting herself to speak.  
  
  
  
Until I think about him as he was when I last saw him  
  
And how he would have been were I to be with him today  
  
Those very rare occasions, don't let up, they keep on coming  
  
All I ever wanted and I'm throwing it away.  
  
It's easy, it's easy as life.  
  
  
  
Silence reigned for a few minutes. Finally, she cleared her throat and looked back up at him.  
  
"I had to tell you something," she said, faltering slightly. He didn't say anything.  
  
"You need to understand something. I…I can't work anymore. Not that I don't want to – I'm still going to take SD-6 down. But…you're in my thoughts all the time. I can't get you out of them. And it's showing…Sloane's not too happy with me right now. And it's only getting worse. It's gonna get me killed. You understand that, don't you?" He nodded slightly, pain and realization entering his eyes at the same time.  
  
"That's why…that's why I think you shouldn't be my handler any longer. That's why I think we…we shouldn't see each other anymore. At all."  
  
  
  
But then I see the faces of an undefeated people  
  
A father and a nation who will never come undone  
  
Is this how the gods reward the faithful through the ages?  
  
Forcing us to move in one of the hardest things we've done  
  
It's easy, so easy.  
  
  
  
Her hands were shaking, and she hid them behind her back. This was harder than she had imagined – her heart was breaking into thousands of tiny pieces. But she knew her duty. God, she hated that word. Duty. She thought of her father, of Dixon, of Francie and Will. Her hands calmed - slightly.  
  
He took a step towards her, but stopped when he saw her face.  
  
"There's something else you need to know. Something I've never said, even though I probably should have."  
  
"What's that?" he said softly, the pain showing in his voice.  
  
"I love you. I probably always have – and I've known that I have since I asked you to that hockey game. Remember that?" He laughed softly, and it sounded forced, out of place.  
  
"I love you more than I should. I love you so much that it hurts. And I wanted you to know that, before I…said goodbye."  
  
"Sydney…" he said, speaking her name for the first time. "I love you too. You know that, don't you? I always will. But I…I understand. It's killing me to say this, but I understand. If you were killed, I'd blame myself. I'd die before I'd let them kill you."  
  
  
  
And though I'll think about him  
  
'Til the earth draws in around me.  
  
And though I choose to leave him for another kind of love  
  
This is no denial, no betrayal, but redemption  
  
Redeemed in my own eyes and in the pantheon above  
  
It's easy, it's easy, as life.  
  
It's easy, as life  
  
It's easy, as life.  
  
  
  
He lifted his hand slowly, stroking her cheek gently.  
  
"When this is all over, when SD-6 is gone…"  
  
"Yeah," she said. "When SD-6 is gone…" Both of them knew it would be years before that happened, if it ever did.  
  
"I'll be waiting, Syd." There was a deafening silence, filled with deflated dreams and wishes made in vain.  
  
"Goodbye, Vaughn." She looked at him once more, her eyes reaching into his soul, saying all she could not for her.Then she walked out of the room, leaving him and her heart behind her.  
  
Please, please, please review!! I will love you forever if you do! Anything is appreciated…tell me what you really thought of it! Loved it, hated it, whatever! Suggestions always welcomed! 


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